Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
