If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
