Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
