I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
