South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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