If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
