Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
