Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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