I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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