Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
