dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
