I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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