Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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