I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
