I can text with my tongue
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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