My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
