Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
try to milk me bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
