Can i not drive my cunt home
she was so not down for the gang bang
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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