I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
