Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
