I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
