walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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