I hate all girls vehemently.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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