There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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