I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
