he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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