it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she smelled like a LAN party
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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