I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize