I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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