Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
