i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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