my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
