woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
