Don't make out with my wife yet
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
