I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
