No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
