i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
