just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
