who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
