Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
