You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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