I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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