Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
