I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
