Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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