I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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