I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
MIDGETS
????
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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