We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i came on her dog
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
