you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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