The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
