Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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