My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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