Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drake has all the answers
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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