No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
