i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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