can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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