you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
