Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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