Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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