My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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