these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
