I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
is it fun? or sober?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
