Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
