Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
