Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
