I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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