i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
