I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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