Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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