everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
