SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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