you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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