Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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