I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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