you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
