I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
