god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
