On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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