I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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